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The Pros And Cons Of Gene Editing

Recent advancements in gene editing have introduced a number of exciting possibilities for human advancement and raised difficult ethical questions. The Onion breaks down the pros and cons of gene editing.

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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SEAL Team Six: Behind The Scenes

Last week, SEAL Team Six, the Navy strike force responsible for killing Osama bin Laden, rescued two humanitarian aid workers who'd been taken hostage by Somali pirates. With such a stressful line of work, the team needs a little down time now and then. Here's how the elite military squad unwinds:

  • Spending a nice relaxing day at the beach, completely undetected and unseen
  • Hanging curtains and catching up on HGTV, solely to get their testosterone down to safe, medically acceptable levels
  • Putting .50-caliber slugs in a tree inches above an unwitting neighbor's head while he naps in his hammock
  • Remembering how awesome it was to kick down that door and put a bullet through bin Laden's head
  • Getting their asses kicked by 12-year-olds while playing SOCOM: U.S. Navy SEALs online
  • A lot less swooping into places and more just strolling in and saying "hey"
  • Busting each other's chops, but in a way that doesn't end in death or paralysis
  • Staging Oscar Wilde comedies at the ultrasecret SEAL Repertory Theater
  • Ordering things online, waiting motionless in the bushes for days until the UPS guy comes
  • A little quality time with the family, playing some Russian roulette in the garage wearing nothing but underwear, thinking about all the horrible things they've seen and done.

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