The nation turns to our poet laureate for solace, General Mills releases a new line of Lucky Charms with 15% less leprechaun meat, and the first gay "Dear John" letters begin arriving overseas. It's the week of September 19th, 2011.
MINNEAPOLIS—Saying that Lucky Charms is "as magically delicious as ever but now lower in magically saturated fats," General Mills announced Friday it would begin making the cereal with 15 percent less leprechaun meat.
BUFFALO, NY—Following their thrilling 38-35 week-two victory over the Oakland Raiders Sunday, the Buffalo Bills expressed confusion over what the hell they were supposed to do with their two wins now that they have them.
INDIANAPOLIS—At a press event held Wednesday in the main conference room of the downtown Hyatt Regency, Indianapolis mayor Greg Ballard publicly announced his city's thoroughly embarrassing bid to host the 2020 Summer Olympics.
NEW YORK—Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's highly anticipated annual address to the U.N. General Assembly ended in tragedy today when an onstage pyrotechnics mishap left the Iranian president with third-degree burns covering 40 percent of his body.
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox
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