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'Sesame Street' Turns 40

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Conductor Fatigue Blamed In Massive Model Train Crash

BLOOMINGTON, IN—After surveying the dozen railcars and cargo of Lincoln Logs strewn haphazardly across the grass mat, investigators concluded Friday that a massive model train derailment was the result of conductor fatigue.

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The Onion’s Guide To Trick-Or-Treating

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Child’s Loose Grasp On Balloon Only Thing Between Peace And Anarchy At Restaurant

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Eating their meals and conversing pleasantly without paying any heed to how loosely the string was wrapped around the young child’s finger, diners at a local Panera Bread reportedly went about their lunch Wednesday completely unaware that 2-year-old Nate Pollen’s tenuous grasp on a red helium balloon was the only thing standing between peace and total anarchy.

Childish 12-Year-Old Still Believes In Father

HARTFORD, CT—Saying she just assumed he would have figured it out by now, local mother Kathleen Rivers expressed concern to reporters Tuesday that her 12-year-old son, Dylan, still believes in his father.

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    DENVER—After waking up and finding the message waiting on his computer, local man Drew Swanson confirmed to reporters Thursday that his mother had sent him an email at 5:32 a.m.

'Sesame Street' Turns 40

The public broadcasting mainstay Sesame Street celebrated its 40th anniversary last month. Here are some highlights from the educational program's four decades on TV:

  • 1969—The show displays a rough, experimental vibe early in its run, as evidenced by the fact that Oscar the Grouch is orange and Big Bird is headless
  • 1971—Maria joins revolutionary group the Letter Underground and kidnaps the entire alphabet
  • 1982—As Sesame Street turns 13, its age surpasses the highest number that any of its characters can count to, meaning that the show must rely on outsiders to tell it how old it is
  • 1984—Elmo is introduced as an outlet for the Children's Television Workshop's virulently anti-corporate viewpoints
  • 1988—When he is finally given a speaking role on the show, Sully the Construction Worker accidentally says "cocksucker" on air, leading to a $500,000 FCC fine
  • 1991—Ernie's harebrained prediction that a slower, sludgy new blend of heavy metal and punk could come sweeping out of the Pacific Northwest and change the face of popular music actually comes to pass, much to Bert's chagrin
  • 1999—Secretary of State Madeleine Albright visits, explaining the NATO bombing of Kosovo by throwing firecrackers into Oscar's trash can
  • 2003—After decades of anxiety, paranoia, and depression, Telly Monster finally takes his own life

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