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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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Shocking Revelations From The World Of Sports

The sports world is still reeling from former NBA player John Amaechi's decision to come out in his memoir Man In The Middle, but it's not the first time sudden admissions have made headlines:

1979: Terry Bradshaw admits that he has read every book ever printed

1990: Doc Gooden reveals that his habit of sniffing, licking, and hugging his "special" rosin bag was not actually because he simply loved rosin bags

1995: "Dr. J" Julius Erving admits in an ABA documentary for HBO that, before his legendary free-throw-line dunk, he had the line moved five feet closer to the basket

1998: In a routine interview on ESPN, Michael Jordan makes the sports world extremely uncomfortable when he casually states that "maintaining a commitment to excellence is fairly easy when you're born with more talent than everyone else"

2001: The morning of the Daytona 500 that took his life, Dale Earnhardt's fellow drivers laugh at him when he tells them of the flock of ravens, the mysterious cloaked figure, and the silently weeping woman with black hair and chalk-white skin that appeared in his dreams the night before

2005: A now 6'7" Muggsy Bogues admits in an episode of ESPN's Outside The Lines that when he played in the NBA, he was only 11 years old

2006: Lance Armstrong is forced to retract several passages from his autobiography in which he claimed to have triumphed over adversity after being born with no arms or legs

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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