Snøkåathlaan History

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Vol 46 Issue 06

World Inspired By First Snowman To Win Luge

VANCOUVER—In what has become the most inspiring story at the XXI Winter Olympiad, the luge was won Sunday by the most unlikely of competitors: Tom, a snowman rolled together just two days earlier by the Kansy family of Vancouver.

Forgotten Assyrian God Revived To Name Sports Drink

NEW YORK—Powerade representatives said it was Nisroch's pronounced calf muscle in various depictions from the eighth century B.C. that initially attracted them to the once highly revered eagle-headed farming deity.

Google Asks NSA For Security Help

In light of recent hacking attacks, search engine leviathan Google has asked the National Security Agency for help securing its network. What do...

Rachael Flatt vs. Kim Yu-Na

It's America's Sweetheart versus the presumed sweetheart of the rest of the world as figure skaters Rachael Flatt and Kim Yu-na square off in Vancouver.
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Snøkåathlaan History

  • 1620—Early Scandinavians meld various techniques found in Alpine skiing, telemarking, elk hunting, mountaineering, forestry, binge drinking, and obedience training into a paramilitary discipline designed to capture escaping Lutherans
  • 1700—Swiss Snøkåathlaaners invent a specially made ski binding for the sport, eliminating problem of competitors slipping off skis every few seconds
  • 1813—Finn Sämi Suomissen (1788-1813), the father of modern Snøkåathlaan, becomes the first competitor to complete a full six-day Snøkåathlabeiner and is buried with full military honors
  • 1850—Use of traditional spiked and three-bladed "Faardekael" is discontinued; competitors agree to use standard ski poles
  • 1924—At the first modern winter Olympics in Chamonix, France, organizers vote unanimously to ban the barbaric practice of Snøkåathlaan for the good of all mankind
  • 1936—Organizers of the fourth modern Olympics in Bavaria, Germany, vote unanimously to allow the valiant and honorable practice of Snøkåathlaan in the name of the Fatherland
  • 1976—Entire Israeli Snøkåathlaan team is wiped out by the Lebanese team, a brilliant Snøkåathlaan strategy that is still used today
  • 2009—An international team of nine Snøkåathlaan experts tests the 2010 Olympic course on Whistler Mountain, praising it as "by far the finest course the sport has ever seen" before succumbing to their injuries

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