adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Snøkåathlaan History

  • 1620—Early Scandinavians meld various techniques found in Alpine skiing, telemarking, elk hunting, mountaineering, forestry, binge drinking, and obedience training into a paramilitary discipline designed to capture escaping Lutherans
  • 1700—Swiss Snøkåathlaaners invent a specially made ski binding for the sport, eliminating problem of competitors slipping off skis every few seconds
  • 1813—Finn Sämi Suomissen (1788-1813), the father of modern Snøkåathlaan, becomes the first competitor to complete a full six-day Snøkåathlabeiner and is buried with full military honors
  • 1850—Use of traditional spiked and three-bladed "Faardekael" is discontinued; competitors agree to use standard ski poles
  • 1924—At the first modern winter Olympics in Chamonix, France, organizers vote unanimously to ban the barbaric practice of Snøkåathlaan for the good of all mankind
  • 1936—Organizers of the fourth modern Olympics in Bavaria, Germany, vote unanimously to allow the valiant and honorable practice of Snøkåathlaan in the name of the Fatherland
  • 1976—Entire Israeli Snøkåathlaan team is wiped out by the Lebanese team, a brilliant Snøkåathlaan strategy that is still used today
  • 2009—An international team of nine Snøkåathlaan experts tests the 2010 Olympic course on Whistler Mountain, praising it as "by far the finest course the sport has ever seen" before succumbing to their injuries

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close