adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Snøkåathlletes To Watch

SNØRRI SNØRRISSON (SWEDEN): This intimidating competitor is unparalleled on the steeper slopes, is the best axman in the event, once fashioned a sled from the rib cage of his extra dog and, according to Norse naming conventions, is his own father

JOHN MACKENZIE (CANADA): Despite his considerable talent, MacKenzie has never won a major Snøkåathlaan event, leading to rumors he may not be a very good snøkåathllete

PYOTR "THE CANNIBAL" GLADKOVSKY (RUSSIA): One of the last Cold War-era Olympians and a true survivor, Gladkovsky's only weakness is a tendency to gain weight proportional to the number of men who go missing in a given race

VITTORE BEÑAT (FRANCE): Considered the best spelunker, horseman, and skater in international Snøkåathlaan, Beñat is hindered by the fact that skating has nothing whatsoever to do with the sport

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close