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Tips

Choosing The Right Dog For You

Once you decide to get a dog, there’s a wide range of adoptable pets to choose from, whether it’s a mutt or purebred. The Onion offers some helpful tips for choosing the dog that’s right for you.

Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Snow Shoveling Tips

In the midst of heavy winter blizzards, digging yourself out of the drifts can be both an inconvenient chore and a dangerous task linked to fatigue and heart attacks. Here are some safety tips to keep in mind while shoveling snow:

  • Before heading outside to shovel, do your best to reverse the 40 years of poor health choices that have put you at high risk for getting a heart attack.
  • Taking a few minutes to stretch before shoveling is a great way to unnecessarily prolong an already unpleasant chore.
  • Bending from the back can damage your spine; always damage your knees instead.
  • Prevent snow from sticking to your shovel by coating both sides in a layer of butter.
  • Throw the snow over whichever shoulder you’d like; no need for superstition.
  • Pace yourself and take a five-minute break for every 500,000 snowflakes you shovel.
  • Be sure to wear a frostbite whistle at all times.
  • Stay hydrated by shoveling every third load of snow directly into your mouth.
  • As much as possible, try living in a condo building.
  • If all else fails, pay a real man to do it for you.

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With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

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