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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.
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Social Security, Medicare Running Out Of Money

A combination of the floundering economy and the increasing number of retiring baby boomers could completely drain Medicare by 2017 and Social Security by 2037, both earlier than had been predicted. What can people do to ready themselves?

Avoid ever having to retire by securing a job with a lifetime appointment, like Supreme Court justice or Chilean dictator

Buy a decent pair of socks that can last for the next 40 years

Mend strained relationship with most successful child

Don't blow all your antibiotics on the one lung infection

If your employer doesn't offer a 401(k), try fashioning one yourself out of any spare pieces of Internal Revenue Code you have lying around

Demand that Congress engage in divisive, protracted, but ultimately successful bargaining to produce legislation that, with much fanfare, extends these programs' solvency through 2039

Mentally prepare to have no money and die earlier

Assume someone will figure everything out by then

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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

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