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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Archivists Unearth Rare Early Career Paul Newman Salsa

WESTPORT, CT—Shedding light on the formative years of the late actor and philanthropist, researchers cataloging the personal archives of Paul Newman confirmed Friday they had uncovered a long-forgotten salsa from early in his career.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:
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Social Security, Medicare Running Out Of Money

A combination of the floundering economy and the increasing number of retiring baby boomers could completely drain Medicare by 2017 and Social Security by 2037, both earlier than had been predicted. What can people do to ready themselves?

Avoid ever having to retire by securing a job with a lifetime appointment, like Supreme Court justice or Chilean dictator

Buy a decent pair of socks that can last for the next 40 years

Mend strained relationship with most successful child

Don't blow all your antibiotics on the one lung infection

If your employer doesn't offer a 401(k), try fashioning one yourself out of any spare pieces of Internal Revenue Code you have lying around

Demand that Congress engage in divisive, protracted, but ultimately successful bargaining to produce legislation that, with much fanfare, extends these programs' solvency through 2039

Mentally prepare to have no money and die earlier

Assume someone will figure everything out by then

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Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

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