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Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Solar Panels Going On White House

President Barack Obama announced that he was putting solar panels on the roof of the White House in order to lead by example in the drive toward renewable energy. Here is a brief history of electricity consumption at the presidential residence:

  • Sept. 1901–Mar. 1909: The White House spends a fortune on incandescent bulbs due to Teddy Roosevelt's habit of shooting the lights out every night with his Winchester Model 1895
  • Dec. 1910–Mar. 1911: William Howard Taft goes an entire winter without turning on the heat, living off 220 pounds of stored fat
  • May 14, 1926: In the custom of the Roaring '20s, Calvin Coolidge installs a large, energy-consuming neon sign on the roof that flashes "USA"
  • Nov. 2, 1939: FDR saves electricity by not using White House elevator
  • Apr. 15, 1955: Twenty percent of the White House's electricity is supplied by Vice President Richard Nixon pedaling a stationary bicycle
  • Aug. 8, 1977: Jimmy Carter does some bullshit with peanuts
  • Feb. 10, 1984: President Reagan delivers a two-hour-long speech to his staff on the importance of turning the lights off in a room if you're not using it
  • Dec. 11, 1989: A Secret Service man is assigned to keep an eye on the thermostat

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Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

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