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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Speculation About Romney's Taxes

As Democrats continue to press Mitt Romney to release more of his tax records, the Republican candidate has become more assertive in his rejection of such calls, leading many to speculate about what the filings contain. Here are some of the details experts suggest he may not want the public to see:

  • List of residences includes Caribbean property named “Skull Island”
  • Used Obama’s $6,500 homebuyer credit for six different houses in 2010
  • From 2002 to 2006, official occupation was listed as “masseuse”
  • Wrote off $10,000 in aftershave during 2004
  • Really shitty handwriting for someone who expects to be elected president
  • Years of filings in state of Delaware prove definitively that the candidate himself is a corporation
  • In 2009, thanks to clever accounting, the IRS actually paid Romney $25 million in taxes
  • Just doesn’t want people to see so many pages of official documents that list his first name as Willard

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