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Speculation About Romney's Taxes

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Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.
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Speculation About Romney's Taxes

As Democrats continue to press Mitt Romney to release more of his tax records, the Republican candidate has become more assertive in his rejection of such calls, leading many to speculate about what the filings contain. Here are some of the details experts suggest he may not want the public to see:

  • List of residences includes Caribbean property named “Skull Island”
  • Used Obama’s $6,500 homebuyer credit for six different houses in 2010
  • From 2002 to 2006, official occupation was listed as “masseuse”
  • Wrote off $10,000 in aftershave during 2004
  • Really shitty handwriting for someone who expects to be elected president
  • Years of filings in state of Delaware prove definitively that the candidate himself is a corporation
  • In 2009, thanks to clever accounting, the IRS actually paid Romney $25 million in taxes
  • Just doesn’t want people to see so many pages of official documents that list his first name as Willard

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