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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Sports Commentator Trophies

John Madden's Thanksgiving tradition of awarding turkey legs to the day's top players has inspired other sportscasters to hand out honors of their own. Here are some of the more notable commentator-awarded trophies:

  • Howie Long's "Iron Man Award" is a yearly tradition of Long recognizing Frederique, the man who presses and tailors his suits, on national television
  • Stuart Scott's "Name-Drop Award" honors the athlete Stuart Scott most wants to meet, so Scott can say he knows him personally and then look cooler for it
  • Dick Vitale's "Awesome Baby Award" goes to the most awesome baby fathered by a college basketball player
  • Actually, John Madden's "Turkey Leg" was not so much an award as the most transparent ploy in television history for a fat man to stuff his face with greasy animal flesh
  • Tim McCarver's "Broadcast-Booth Trophy" goes to the baseball player with the easiest name to remember and pronounce
  • Jon Gruden's "This Guy! Awards" are given each Sunday to "This guy! This guy right here! Look what he's doing—not just anyone could do that! Aw, you just GOT to love it!" Former recipients include most people Gruden has ever met
  • Joe Buck's "One More Week Award" is a big glass of brandy and a bowl of pecans he awards himself every Sunday after getting through another week alongside Troy Aikman
  • Cris Collinsworth awards the "Collinsworthys" every week to the player who most reminds him of himself; Wes Welker has thus far been the sole recipient

More from this section

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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