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Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard

Potentially offering hope to millions of Americans struggling with psychological and emotional problems, a study published this week in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that test subjects were capable of fully resolving their anxiety by thinking ...

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Sports Commentator Trophies

John Madden's Thanksgiving tradition of awarding turkey legs to the day's top players has inspired other sportscasters to hand out honors of their own. Here are some of the more notable commentator-awarded trophies:

  • Howie Long's "Iron Man Award" is a yearly tradition of Long recognizing Frederique, the man who presses and tailors his suits, on national television
  • Stuart Scott's "Name-Drop Award" honors the athlete Stuart Scott most wants to meet, so Scott can say he knows him personally and then look cooler for it
  • Dick Vitale's "Awesome Baby Award" goes to the most awesome baby fathered by a college basketball player
  • Actually, John Madden's "Turkey Leg" was not so much an award as the most transparent ploy in television history for a fat man to stuff his face with greasy animal flesh
  • Tim McCarver's "Broadcast-Booth Trophy" goes to the baseball player with the easiest name to remember and pronounce
  • Jon Gruden's "This Guy! Awards" are given each Sunday to "This guy! This guy right here! Look what he's doing—not just anyone could do that! Aw, you just GOT to love it!" Former recipients include most people Gruden has ever met
  • Joe Buck's "One More Week Award" is a big glass of brandy and a bowl of pecans he awards himself every Sunday after getting through another week alongside Troy Aikman
  • Cris Collinsworth awards the "Collinsworthys" every week to the player who most reminds him of himself; Wes Welker has thus far been the sole recipient

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