Sports' Greatest Fourth Of July Moments

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Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.
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Sports' Greatest Fourth Of July Moments

1826: In a tragic accident that claims the lives of the second and third presidents, John Adams collides with Thomas Jefferson when neither player calls for the ball while trying to field a pop-up fly

1934: After knocking out Jack Kracken in the first round of their fight, Joe Louis asks if he's seeing "stars and stripes," which is pretty funny until Jack Kracken is pronounced dead 35 seconds later

1939: During Lou Gehrig's famous "Luckiest Man on Earth" speech, Joe DiMaggio can't help but curl his lip in disgust

1987: Martina Navratilova wins her sixth straight Wimbledon title, and her third straight in the men's division

1998: After purchasing illegal fireworks before the game, Astros infielders Craig Biggio and Jeff Bagwell inadvertently implode the Astrodome while trying to blow up the team's mailbox

2004: On a day that will live in infamy for the Angels, Vladimir Guerrero's picnic in right field is ruined when a hard grounder knocks iced Chablis all over his lap

2006: Yankees release a dance remix of Lou Gehrig's famous speech, complete with Auto-Tune and a verse featuring Fergie

2007: Joey Chestnut brings the Nathan's hot dog eating championship back to American soil by cutting himself open and sticking the final hot dog directly into his intestinal tract


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