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Starbucks Is 40

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The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

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CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

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Starbucks Is 40

The Seattle-based coffee chain Starbucks celebrated its 40th anniversary in March.

Here are some of the events that have shaped the company over the years:

  • 1972: Homeless man "Dancing" Danson becomes the first person to take a bath in a Starbucks bathroom
  • 1976: Starbucks begins selling coffee after five years of only selling a fermented moss-based cider
  • 1987: The company's fat, naked double-tailed fish-lady logo is simplified to entice consumers
  • 1990: A rogue barista starts drizzling cute girls' drinks with caramel, which he secretly dispenses through an improvised bladder hidden within his pocket
  • 1997: Invention of the coffee cup
  • 2002: Responding to complaints that its coffee tastes bitter and burned, Starbucks releases Metal Machine Roast, the chain's most perversely unpalatable brew to date
  • 2007: Following the success of its music and book sales, Starbucks begins offering life insurance, tax preparation, and living wills
  • 2008: Iced coffee provided to set of Leatherheads

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