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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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State Fair Season

Every year around this time, American states hold fairs to celebrate the agriculture and industry that make them unique. Here are some of the attractions that draw people to their state fairs:

  • Deep-fried lost-and-found kiosk
  • Chance to get a good look at the sturdy new crop of 4-H girls
  • Pigs racing against other pigs who will all be slaughtered soon enough
  • T-shirt stand on the midway featuring only the finest airbrushing artisans and their wares
  • Way-too-interactive theater troupe
  • Duck pond game that we are so taking down this year
  • A parade!
  • Stunning gigantic produce adorned with dazzling blue ribbons, almost equally impressive gigantic produce with attractive red ribbons, and substandard gigantic produce with shameful white ribbons

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