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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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State Fair Season

Every year around this time, American states hold fairs to celebrate the agriculture and industry that make them unique. Here are some of the attractions that draw people to their state fairs:

  • Deep-fried lost-and-found kiosk
  • Chance to get a good look at the sturdy new crop of 4-H girls
  • Pigs racing against other pigs who will all be slaughtered soon enough
  • T-shirt stand on the midway featuring only the finest airbrushing artisans and their wares
  • Way-too-interactive theater troupe
  • Duck pond game that we are so taking down this year
  • A parade!
  • Stunning gigantic produce adorned with dazzling blue ribbons, almost equally impressive gigantic produce with attractive red ribbons, and substandard gigantic produce with shameful white ribbons

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