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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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State Fair Season

Every year around this time, American states hold fairs to celebrate the agriculture and industry that make them unique. Here are some of the attractions that draw people to their state fairs:

  • Deep-fried lost-and-found kiosk
  • Chance to get a good look at the sturdy new crop of 4-H girls
  • Pigs racing against other pigs who will all be slaughtered soon enough
  • T-shirt stand on the midway featuring only the finest airbrushing artisans and their wares
  • Way-too-interactive theater troupe
  • Duck pond game that we are so taking down this year
  • A parade!
  • Stunning gigantic produce adorned with dazzling blue ribbons, almost equally impressive gigantic produce with attractive red ribbons, and substandard gigantic produce with shameful white ribbons
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