States Struggle To Fill Budget Gaps

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Vol 45 Issue 44

House Haunted By Tortured Souls Of Current Residents

HARTFORD, MI—On the outside it may look like any other home, but within the walls of 6535 Maple Ave. lies a terrifying secret: Every night, when the sun goes down and the moon comes out, this suburban bungalow is haunted by the restless, tormented souls of its residents, the Davidson family.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...


States Struggle To Fill Budget Gaps

As the economy continues to falter, states are finding it difficult to remain solvent.

Here are some of the new taxes being proposed to keep states afloat:

  • Florida: $5 for every swearword uttered during arrest
  • Mississippi: $1 fee to spell its name out loud in a singsongy manner
  • West Virginia: $50 kin-kissin' fee
  • Vermont: Charging $1 per autumn-colored leaf viewed by nonresidents
  • Massachusetts: Ted Kennedy memorial income tax increase of 4 percent
  • New Hampshire: 1 percent "this is not a tax" reverse-subsidy on items sold
  • Iowa: $9 corn-proximity fee
  • Wisconsin: 10 percent increase in the beer tax, which is bullshit
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