adBlockCheck

Recent News

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
End Of Section
  • More News

Summer Vacation Vs. Year-Round Schooling

Students around the nation are currently anticipating the end of the school year and the start of summer vacation, while some education experts argue that a year-round education system would prevent children from falling behind in school. Here are some arguments from each side of this education debate:

The Arguments For Summer Vacation

  • Three-month respite from paying for ADHD medications
  • Kids who go to summer camp have opportunity to be tormented by entirely different group of bullies
  • Algebra doesn’t sink in until the fifth time children learn it from scratch during school year
  • Teenagers able to take on summer jobs that will pay for the cost of about two weeks of college
  • Gives kids much-needed time to build entirely new persona for following school year
  • The only reason anyone would be inclined to become a teacher

The Arguments For Year-Round Schooling

  • The look on their faces when we break the news to them will be priceless
  • Kids less likely to forget historical dates and state capitals that are so critical to their development and career prospects
  • Students get more classroom time to waste on standardized tests
  • Gives deeply held crushes ability to develop more fully before being cut short
  • With additional months of school, the United States could skyrocket to 25th place in global math and science scores
  • Keeps kids off the street and in the safety of an American classroom where no harm can ever come to them
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings