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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Super Bowl Hangovers

Win or lose, appearing in the Super Bowl is no guarantee that a team will do well next season. Onion Sports looks at Super Bowl squads that went from penthouse to outhouse:

1977: After riding their down-and-dirty, take-no-prisoners style to a Super Bowl victory, the bad-boy Oakland Raiders spend the entire next season in rehab

1992: A workmanlike Super Bowl-hosting performance by the Metrodome is not enough to bring the big game back to the oppressively uncomfortable gray monstrosity

1994: After pulling off a 52-17 annihilation of the Bills in the previous Super Bowl, the Dallas Cowboys trudge through the entire season only to be forced to play the Bills in the Super Bowl yet again

2000: The St. Louis Rams experience one of the worst Super Bowl hangovers in history, losing their first game of the next season by 464 points

2003: After winning the Super Bowl, the Buccaneers did not play so well the next season

2004: Despite their 2003 Super Bowl victory, the New England Patriots go 18 games without winning another one

2005: The Cincinnati Bengals, reeling from the shock of having a winning season, begin referring to their first playoff game as "our Super Bowl" and promptly lose

2008: Super Bowl MVP Peyton Manning proves once and for all that he can't win the big one when his team loses to the Chargers in the divisional playoff game

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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