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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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'Super Mario Bros.' Is 25!

Twenty-five years ago, game designer Shigeru Miyamoto created the video game Super Mario Bros., which has since sold millions of copies and spawned numerous spin-offs. Here are some highlights from the history of the computerized plumber:

  • 1974—In a bizarre incident that will come to shape his development of Mario years later, Miyamoto accidentally smacks his head against a brick outcropping and some gold coins fall out
  • 1981—Kept up all night by a leaky flush toilet mechanism, Miyamoto fantasizes about having a giant ape pelt his shiftless plumber with barrels
  • 1986-1993—In the so-called 'Mario mania' years, Sega fails time and time again to score a hit with its goateed Croatian electrician character, Milorad
  • 1991Super Mario World introduces Yoshi, a complicated allegory for the state of Japanese politics
  • 1994—Following the box-office failure of the Super Mario Bros. movie the previous year, the script for a Mario Kart–based sequel is hastily rewritten into the film Speed, with Dennis Hopper reprising his role as the villain
  • 1994—Hoping to replicate the success of Mario's brother Luigi, a third brother, Dan, joined them briefly before giving up the video game life and going back to his family and financial planning job in Pasadena
  • 1999—Mario is licensed to the State of New York for use in its plumbers certification exam-prep software
  • 2005—Mario celebrates his 100 billionth death

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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