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Who's Fucking: Zack and Evan

Coworkers Zack and Evan talk about moving past first impressions, stepping out of your comfort zone, and understanding what it really means to fuck someone.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Superman Turns 75

Superman’s legacy began 75 years ago this month with his first appearance in the inaugural issue of Action Comics, and continued last weekend with the release of the blockbuster film Man Of Steel. Here are some of the most memorable moments in the legendary superhero’s 75-year history:

  • 1938: Original illustrator Joe Shuster finds out he can’t draw hands so Superman always appears with both hands in his pockets through the first 130 issues
  • 1939: Fred Astaire stars as the first silver-screen Man of Steel in the poorly received RKO musical-dance film Metropolis Shimmy
  • 1978: Superman finally defeats his greatest foe: illiteracy
  • 1984: Superman #400 finally gives fans long-awaited glimpse of Lois Lane’s vagina
  • 1985: Superman adds acid-washed denim jacket to his super suit to better fit in
  • 1992: Superman learns that Krypton was not set to explode after all, and his parents rocketed him to Earth simply because they didn’t want him
  • 1997: Death of Princess Diana puts all Superman news on back burner for a while
  • 2009: Clark Kent gets fired from The Daily Planet for fabricating quotes
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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