Superman Turns 75

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Vol 49 Issue 25

The Onion Will Be Euthanizing People For Free This Sunday

Summer is in full effect! And as the nation gears up for three months of beach excursions, poolside barbecues, and lazy afternoons, The Onion would like to remind its readers that this Sunday we are offering free euthanizations to everyone and anyo...

The Onion’s Tips For Securing The U.S.–Mexico Border

Destroy America’s financial, manufacturing, and healthcare sectors, limiting the amount of reasons to ever come in Place one traffic cone right in front of the existing border fence Impeach President Barack Obama On the Mexico side of the border, h...

All-Female Jury To Try George Zimmerman

A jury consisting of six women will determine whether George Zimmerman was acting lawfully under Florida’s Stand Your Ground law when he shot and killed unarmed 17-year-old Trayvon Martin in his gated community in February 2012.
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    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Superman Turns 75

Superman’s legacy began 75 years ago this month with his first appearance in the inaugural issue of Action Comics, and continued last weekend with the release of the blockbuster film Man Of Steel. Here are some of the most memorable moments in the legendary superhero’s 75-year history:

  • 1938: Original illustrator Joe Shuster finds out he can’t draw hands so Superman always appears with both hands in his pockets through the first 130 issues
  • 1939: Fred Astaire stars as the first silver-screen Man of Steel in the poorly received RKO musical-dance film Metropolis Shimmy
  • 1978: Superman finally defeats his greatest foe: illiteracy
  • 1984: Superman #400 finally gives fans long-awaited glimpse of Lois Lane’s vagina
  • 1985: Superman adds acid-washed denim jacket to his super suit to better fit in
  • 1992: Superman learns that Krypton was not set to explode after all, and his parents rocketed him to Earth simply because they didn’t want him
  • 1997: Death of Princess Diana puts all Superman news on back burner for a while
  • 2009: Clark Kent gets fired from The Daily Planet for fabricating quotes
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