Supreme Court Begins Landmark Session

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Supreme Court Begins Landmark Session

Back in session this month, the U.S. Supreme Court faces a docket that may result in numerous landmark rulings. Here are some of the potentially historic cases the justices will decide:

  • Fisher v. University of Texas at Austin: In this closely followed affirmative action appeal, the high court justices will convene to determine if they’re racists or not
  • Us v. Them: Seeks a legal injunction to prevent Them from further advancement, citing the oft-invoked historical precedent that has always ensured preferential treatment for Us
  • Patterson v. Ball State: Questions whether sexual harassment allegations against a direct supervisor may be imputed against the employer itself, even when the alleged victim has a fresh set of tits like Laura Patterson’s
  • American Apparel v. Davidson: Weighs constitutionality of Sheer Luxe Cut-Out Pantyhose
  • Plessy v. Ferguson II: The Final Reckoning: Overturned in 1954, this case is back and out for justice, hellbent on reminding the Court that nothing is truly “separate but equal”
  • People v. Goldie: Investigates whether a beloved golden retriever should be put down for biting a robber or should be given a giant Milk-Bone
  • Staying In v. Hey, This Art Crawl Will Be Fun: Questions whether just watching a movie at home on Saturday night is a viable option, or if your friends will drag you out to some dumb art thing
  • Roe v. Van Patton: Roe just trying to stir shit up again
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