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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Team USA's World Cup Stumbles

As qualifying rages on, we look at Team USA's hapless World Cup history.

1891 and 1895: United States athletes invent two much more entertaining games with a soccer ball

1950: Unaware they could take on new players to replace old ones, the U.S. loses 12-1 with the same team that played in 1930's World Cup

1954: One of the most talented U.S. squads in history is still unable to qualify after failing to send in its World Cup application on time

1958: The world knew the U.S. team was destined for failure when it unveiled its one-name soccer sensation, "Bert"

1986: The U.S. fails to qualify after Paul Caligiuri hits what is commonly regarded as the worst corner kick in the history of the world

1988: This year is considered the rebirth of American soccer after enough people sign up to have a national team

1990: The United States is quickly eliminated after losing to the United States 1-0

1994: This incarnation of the U.S. team probably did okay because people still kind of recognize the names Tony Meola and Alexi Lalas

1999: The U.S. women's team wins the World Cup

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