adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

Teams To Watch In This Year’s NCAA Tournament

  • Florida Gulf Coast: One year after captivating the nation with their improbable Sweet 16 run, these scrappy long shots won’t let the fact that they’re not in the tournament keep them from going all the way
  • Creighton: With his team’s March Madness fortunes resting on his shoulders, Bluejays star forward Doug McDermott must make sure to fade away into obscurity after the tournament and not before it
  • Louisville: Provided someone steps up and suffers a grotesque leg injury to rile up the team, the Cardinals stand a very strong chance of winning back-to-back national championships
  • Coastal Carolina: Count out these underdogs
  • Eastern Kentucky: The Colonels should be a very popular pick among people who mistake them for regular Kentucky
  • Michigan: This Wolverines team might just have what it takes to live up to the Fab Five’s accomplishments in the early 1990s
  • North Carolina: A strong showing would do a lot for a program still clinging to the legacy of Michael Jordan, Vince Carter, Antawn Jamison, Jerry Stackhouse, Rasheed Wallace, Tyler Hansbrough, James Worthy, Robert McAdoo, Larry Brown, Brad Daugherty, and Walter Davis
  • North Dakota State: Probably the most dominant of the North Dakota schools in this year’s tournament
  • Harvard: Like most of the smaller schools, administrators are just hoping a tournament appearance will boost their university’s national profile and increase applications
  • Duke: Nah

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close