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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Terms Of Tiger's Divorce

Former super-couple Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren are making it official with one of the highest-profile divorces in sports. Here's how it will work:

  • Couple will evenly split 8-foot-tall pile of money in the spare bedroom
  • Joint custody of the caddy
  • Woods required to hire cleaning company to remove skank juice from living room carpeting
  • Elin is entitled to half of Tiger's collection of strap-ons, double dildos, leather handcuffs, feather ticklers, nipple clamps, vibrating cock rings, pleasure wands, Fleshlights, anal plugs, cock slings, and Rim Raiders
  • Tiger Woods will keep all of the $178 million in cash he stashed in an offshore account in anticipation of just this sort of thing
  • Couple will have shared custody of the children, with Woods seeing them every other decade
  • Tiger gets the couple's Ford Festiva
  • Elin is now the face of Gillette Mach 3 razors

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