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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Terrell Owens Career Highlights

1978: Directs his first really good passive-aggressive comment toward his mother's habit of washing dishes while he's trying to watch TV

1988: Drops his first pass, realizes it isn't so bad

1996: In only three hours, manages to destroy the team chemistry of the caterers working at the NFL Draft

1999: Turns a 10-yard hook route into a 78-yard first down celebration

2000: Celebrates two TDs on Texas Stadium's midfield star logo as a visiting player, proving to Jerry Jones that he is Cowboys material

2004: Hints that Jeff Garcia may be gay by saying he sees Garcia at all the gay bars he frequents

2005: Wins his part of the Super Bowl

2006: Takes a lot of drugs for some reason, but reportedly not to kill himself out of self-loathing, which is odd, as that would make a lot of sense

2007: Celebrates a touchdown against the Packers by throwing a rack of barbecued baby back ribs into his face

1996–2008: Totally wide open on that play

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