Thanksgiving Football Highlights

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Vol 45 Issue 48

Drug Found To Boost Female Libido

Flibanserin, a drug developed unsuccessfully as a treatment for depression, was shown to increase and enhance sex drive in women. What do you...

Gunman Thought Coworkers Would Be Back From Lunch By Now

NEW YORK—"Huh, I wonder where everyone is," said the emotionally disturbed publishing professional, bringing the high-powered assault weapon down from eye-level and slowly snapping the safety back on. "Definitely thought they'd be back from that sandwich place by now."
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Thanksgiving Football Highlights

  • 1920: The Akron Pros, Decatur Staleys, Dayton Triangles, and Chicago Boosters all emerge victorious in what is surely something made up on Wikipedia
  • 1956: Although CBS receives the rights to televise the game between the Packers and the Lions, the network refuses to show any plays covering more than 10 yards, as they are deemed unsuitable for home audiences
  • 1989: The Philadelphia-Dallas game becomes known as the Bounty Bowl due to Eagles coach Buddy Ryan allegedly offering players a year's supply of paper towels to injure Cowboys kicker Luis Zendejas
  • 1993: In what millions of viewers describe as a beautiful and uplifting experience, snow falls in droves at Texas Stadium and the Cowboys lose in the last second
  • 1994: In attempt to slow down the Packers pass rush, the Cowboys bolster their offensive line by stuffing guards Larry Allen and Nate Newton with 400 pounds of oyster dressing
  • 1998: After losing the overtime coin toss, the Steelers' Jerome Bettis insists his in-air call of "coin" was technically correct
  • 2000: In a rambling interview embarrassing for everyone involved, John Madden forces Randy Moss to compare his two-TD, 144-yard performance to the "cranberry sauce on the Thanksgiving table"
  • 2009: The goddamned Lions play again
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