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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.
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The Case For And Against Animal Testing

Laboratories experiment on an estimated 26 million animals every year to determine whether commercial products and medications are safe for humans, a practice that many activists argue is inhumane and can be replaced by other testing methods. Here are the leading arguments for and against animal testing:

FOR:

  • Animals cannot feel pain or experience fear
  • Puts long-tailed macaques in their place
  • Pretty much the only way to mutilate hamsters without seeming like psychopath
  • Human race may live to see the final elimination of split ends and frizz
  • Satiates scientists’ bloodlust and keeps them from going after humans
  • No chance whatsoever that our present-day treatment of animals will be judged harshly by future generations

AGAINST:

  • Animals do not always appreciate that they are part of something bigger than selves
  • Alternative methods of testing do not demonstrate sexy shine of Summer Shimmer lip gloss in same way
  • Kind of mean
  • Testing cosmetics on animals creates unattainable standard of beauty for animals in control group
  • These are animals we could be eating
  • Knowledge that animals suffered in product testing can cause untold milliseconds of emotional distress for consumers

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