adBlockCheck

The Case For And Against Legalizing Marijuana

Top Headlines

Recent News

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

The Case For And Against Legalizing Marijuana

Uruguay's legislature is voting today to make their country the first in the world to legally regulate the production, distribution, and sale of marijuana, while here in the U.S., state lawmakers continue to weigh arguments over whether to follow Colorado and Washington by legalizing the drug for recreational use. Here are the arguments for and against legalizing marijuana:

PRO

  • Americans would get to lie back, relax, and have healthy appetites for a change
  • Convenience of being able to buy pot from local Walgreens versus inconvenience of having to buy pot from parking lot of local Walgreens
  • No longer have to use belt to experience high
  • Fuckin’ Terry can’t charge $80 for an eighth anymore
  • The FDA would be able to finally regulate the quality and safety of marijuana, just as they flawlessly do with the thousands of prescription drugs currently on the market
  • Would allow us to fulfill our lifelong dream of blowing pot smoke right in a cop’s face
  • Reduced stigma surrounding people with cannabis-leaf face tattoos
  • We could smoke a ton of pot

CON

  • No room to fit a “D” into “Legalize It” tattoo
  • State prosecutors would have far fewer options for incarcerating inner-city minority youths for decades
  • Would require costly rewriting of nation’s D.A.R.E. curriculum
  • 17-year-old Jennifer Kalpers thought pot was pretty cool. That is, until she got high and went out driving with her friends. Kalpers accidentally swerved into a telephone pole, killing her instantly. Still think smoking pot is cool?
  • You and your dealer would slowly drift apart
  • Scent of T-shirt from first Red Hot Chili Peppers concert would lose its mystique
  • Increased unemployment among drug-sniffing dogs
  • Marijuana advocates will have triumphant story to tell

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close