The Cost Of The Average ER Visit

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.


The Cost Of The Average ER Visit

The average cost of visiting the emergency room is currently $1,233, or 40 percent more than what most Americans pay for rent, leading many to criticize the high cost of emergency care. Here’s a breakdown of charges the average American incurs when visiting the ER:

  • $36: Codeine pill you can easily get from Tyler down the street for like 10 bucks
  • $800: Timely, responsive care from physicians who never inexplicably leave patient waiting for hours on end
  • $8: Few extra sips of IV fluid
  • $2,500: Routine organ rotation
  • $11: Oak tongue depressor
  • $125: Paternity test, since child is there anyway
  • $300: Vial of healing tonic
  • $1,000: Video footage of cool camera shot looking down on your face as they wheel you in all fast
  • $200: Commemorative framed picture of you and your attending physician
  • $5: Tip