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The Cost Of The Average ER Visit

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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The Cost Of The Average ER Visit

The average cost of visiting the emergency room is currently $1,233, or 40 percent more than what most Americans pay for rent, leading many to criticize the high cost of emergency care. Here’s a breakdown of charges the average American incurs when visiting the ER:

  • $36: Codeine pill you can easily get from Tyler down the street for like 10 bucks
  • $800: Timely, responsive care from physicians who never inexplicably leave patient waiting for hours on end
  • $8: Few extra sips of IV fluid
  • $2,500: Routine organ rotation
  • $11: Oak tongue depressor
  • $125: Paternity test, since child is there anyway
  • $300: Vial of healing tonic
  • $1,000: Video footage of cool camera shot looking down on your face as they wheel you in all fast
  • $200: Commemorative framed picture of you and your attending physician
  • $5: Tip

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