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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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The Cowboys Collapse

They were a favorite preseason Super Bowl pick, but Dallas is stumbling at the halfway point. What exactly went wrong?

Backup QB Brad Johnson unable to inspire confidence in team, as everyone thinks his 2002 Bucs Super Bowl ring is a fake

Receiver Miles Austin's flashes of potential are balanced out by long, steady periods of incompetence

Sacking the quarterback four times in the same play is not only classless and ineffective, but is actually a penalty

God finally used hole in stadium roof to watch Cowboys play, was disgusted with what He saw, decided to do something about it

Terrell Owens' desire to get ball abated significantly when he realized other team would hit the man carrying it

Jerry Jones not quite interfering enough

Playbook just diagrams of taunting and celebrations

Defense needs to work on fundamentals of arm tackles

Inevitable letdown after winning Super Bowl during preseason

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