STARKVILLE, MS— Following a heated conversation with boyfriend Chris Lea, area resident Michelle Aston, 22, violently slammed down her phone receiver and immediately began waiting for Lea to call back. "He'll call," Aston said. "He's too smart not to." Aston waited six minutes and eleven seconds before heading to the back porch to smoke a cigarette.
CHICAGO— Hypnotist Ed "Dr. Mysterioso" Allen is seeking a gimmick to set him apart from the hundreds of other hypnotists on the nightclub circuit. "I don't know, there's already a bunch of singing hypnotists and a ventriloquist hypnotist," said Allen, leafing through ads in the back pages of Getting Sleepy, a hypnotism trade magazine. "Maybe I could be the juggling hypnotist. Or wear some sort of funny hat. I just don't want to be lost in the crowd."
LOS ANGELES— A new ad appearing in dozens of magazines and newspapers shamelessly preys on people with "ideas." "Turn your idea into $$$!" read the 1/16th-page ad, which ran this week in the classifieds section of Parade and Rolling Stone. "Learn how top inventors get their ideas off the page and into the marketplace!" It remains to be seen how the nation's idea-having demographic will respond to the unnamed advertiser's attempt to charge a fee per idea submission, successful or not.
NEW YORK— Suffering from months of drought, New York City instituted alternate-side-of-the-street firefighting Monday. "On odd-numbered days, even-numbered buildings are not permitted to catch fire," Mayor Michael Bloomberg said at a press conference. "For those who fail to comply, we will not be able to put out your fire until the following morning. Your kind cooperation will help conserve water resources throughout the New York area."
HONG KONG— The shades of the ancestors of action hero Jackie Chan were posthumously disgraced upon seeing a "blooper reel" at the end of Rush Hour 2. "I die a thousand deaths when my dishonorable progeny fails to remember his line," said the ghost of Chan Kim-Yiang, who died fighting against the British occupation of Hong Kong in 1840. "To see him flip off a restaurant table, only to land wrong and bonk his head, brings dishonor to all the Chans who have passed from this world into the realm of wind and ghosts."
When Roz, my Fashion Bug supervisor, called the entire staff together for a special meeting, I swore that this time, I'd come prepared. Whenever we have a meeting, Ellen, the girl who got the assistant-manager position instead of me just because she's Roz's friend, brings a treat like crumb cake or donuts. Everybody always makes such a big fuss about it, like she made this big effort. (Her baked goods are homemade, all right... in Mrs. Entenmann's home!)
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox
8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC
Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!
BLOOMINGTON, IN—Having found himself without others to interact with at a house party Wednesday, guest Ben Weaver reportedly attempted to enter a conversation by spending a few minutes just smiling and nodding at the edge of a circle of people.