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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?
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The Great Sports Books

To mark the publication of The Ecstasy Of Defeat, The Onion takes a look at the proud tradition of sports literature.

  • Paper Lion, Again: A 74-year-old George Plimpton returns for another lighthearted look at trying out for the Detroit Lions and is surprised at how easily he earns the starting quarterback job for the 2001 season
  • Moneypuck: Details how the shrewd Atlanta Thrashers managed to go 11 seasons without paying a single player
  • My Losing Season: The anonymous author looks back on playing basketball his senior year of high school, and although the book is compellingly written, its title completely ruins the ending
  • In The Rough: Author Jay Goldsmith spends countless hours with some of the all-time greatest PGA golfers and explains to each one of them just how much he fucking hates golf
  • The Book Of Basketball: Two paragraphs in, Bill Simmons' 736-page tome sets a new record for how quickly a sportswriter can become long-winded, get off topic, and start grating on your last nerve
  • Charlotte's Webb: E.B. White's timeless story of how an unlikely friendship with a dying barn spider inspired Spud Webb to win the 1986 NBA Slam Dunk Contest
  • When Pride Still Mattered: David Maraniss details the life of Vince Lombardi, vividly capturing a man who overcame responsibilities as a father and husband to succeed in football
  • Bullet In The Brain: Tobias Wolff's elegiac two-page story reminds us all that no matter how rich or tragic our lives, baseball is the last thing we think of before death

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