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Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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The Health Of America

The United Health Foundation recently ranked the 50 states, top to bottom, in order of healthiest to least healthy. Here are some of the key rankings, along with the factors that placed them there.

STATE, THIS YEAR'S RANK (LAST YEAR'S RANK): REASON

West Virginia, 44 (45): Governor delivered on promise of squirrel in every pot

New York, 27 (8): Trans-fats ban in restaurants forcing residents to mug/rape/murder one another

New Jersey, 21 (14): Clerical error in medical records corrected

California, 25 (21): Role demanded a more diabetic look

Illinois, 28 (27): Chicago extended legal limit for deep-dish depth

Nevada, 39 (38): 38 wasn't working for them; trying luck with 39

Wyoming, 19 (23): Health department ordered all unhealthy people to stay home when United Health Foundation was in town

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