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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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The iPod Turns 10

Apple's iPod, the MP3 player that revolutionized portable digital music, turned 10 recently. Here are some high points from the device's decade of existence:

  • Jan. 23, 2002: "iPod" replaces "creative nomad jukebox" as the generic term for an MP3 player
  • Mar. 25, 2002: The iPod wins the endorsement of an influential group of silhouettes
  • Mar. 27, 2002: Nelly receives free iPod in some bullshit gift basket
  • Dec. 21, 2002: Fifty-one-year-old Doug Carmichael of Landover, MD becomes the first of nearly 28 million incredulous fathers who can't believe that thing doesn't even play the radio
  • Jan. 18, 2003: iPod dock no longer makes tiny scream sound effects while charging
  • Jan. 11, 2005: iPod Shuffle introduced for people who like the same songs they've listened to all their lives in a refreshingly unpredictable order
  • Sept. 5, 2007: Apple debuts the first iPod Touch in response to users' complaints that their screens aren't getting as smudged as they'd like
  • May 15, 2009: President Barack Obama learns his 4G Nano is full after attempting to load Digital Underground's "Humpty Dance" onto it

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