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Man Born With Face You Just Want To Punch

In case you missed last night's premiere of the second season of "Onion News Network", watch Jean Anne Whorton's touching portrait of a man who was born with a god-awful, hateful face.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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The Life And Times Of Al Davis

He was a coach, an owner, an executive who hired the league's first minorities in key positions, a vindictive boss, and a litigation-happy gadfly. We list the man's most notable moments in an effort to define Al Davis.

  • 1942: At age 13, stood in front of mirror, slicked back hair, felt pretty good about self
  • 1966: Davis and Pete Rozelle begin classic business relationship of making millions of dollars together while wanting to kill the other person
  • 1969: On what is perhaps the greatest day of his life, Davis both hires John Madden to coach the Raiders and buys his first pantsuit
  • 1980: Ken Stabler looks at Davis a little funny, is traded
  • 1984: Meets Jerry Jones for the first time, sizes him up, and passionately embraces him in the only meaningful hug either man has ever experienced
  • 1991: Dies for the first time
  • 2003: Marcus Allen inducted into Pro Football Hall of Fame, where he recounts his proudest moment: fucking Al Davis' wife
  • 2004: Moves the team back to L.A. for a few days just because he hasn't done anything dickish in a while
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