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The New American Gladiators

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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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The New American Gladiators

NBC has revived the muscle-bound competitive game show American Gladiators for a new generation. Onion Sports looks at what's new in this remake of an old favorite:

In a new twist, contenders are now doused with gasoline and lit on fire before each event

The new "Eliminator" obstacle course features eight-foot walls, 20 feet of burning water, and 30 models holding briefcases full of money

Boldly-printed steroid policy

New event called "Football" clearly just a game of football

Debut of "Mental Gauntlet" challenge, which pits contestants against Hellga in a game of Scrabble

The "Uproar" event, which is really just contestants trying to yell louder than Gladiators

15,000% increase in utterances of the word "Brother" per episode

The "Assault" game now features foam-covered IEDs on course

The unique competitive talents of "Sonar," the Gladiator whose other senses should more than compensate for him being blind since birth

"Joust" event still pretty cool

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