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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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The New Kindle

Having sold out of its popular e-book reader Kindle last fall, Amazon is now releasing an updated version of the device. Here are some of the features and improvements of the new Kindle:

New bookmark feature allows you to save your page instead of starting from the beginning every time you open it

A lot fewer dangling wires

"Like/As" button converts all cumbersome metaphors into easy-to-read similes

Streaming functionality allows user to read latest Nora Roberts novel in real-time as the author writes it

Chic white eyebuds allow user to view the Kindle display privately

"Get to the Good Stuff" application skips right to the first mention of the word "heaving"

New feature allows one to make a so-called mix book of favorite chapters for girlfriend

Unlike first version, is not just a hollow box with a clear plastic window that you insert books into

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