The NFL's Overcomplicated Rules

In This Section

Vol 46 Issue 37

Weird Coworker Knows Where Every NFL Player Went To College

PHILADELPHIA—Whether it be a top rookie from last year's draft or an obscure offensive lineman who has been in the league for 14 years, SRS Consulting's Ryan Janis seems to know where every NFL player went to college, his coworkers confirmed Monday.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Advertising

  • Sports Drink Company Putting First Advertisement On Moon

    Japanese pharmaceutical company Otsuka has announced plans to put their sports drink Pocari Sweat on the moon in a specially equipped container bearing their logo, which, if successful, would be the first time a commercial product has been flown to the mo...

Energy

The NFL's Overcomplicated Rules

Football may have the most complex rule set of any sport, as the Lions found out last Sunday when a game-winning catch was disallowed. Here are a few other examples:

  • In order to meet with league requirements, the home team should have 36 balls for outdoor games and 24 for indoor games, all of which must be available for testing with a pressure gauge by the referee two hours prior to the start of the game. Jesus Christ
  • On a kickoff, the clock does not start until the ball has been legally touched by a player; if it is illegally touched, the player is sent to prison for life, although the clock still starts
  • There are 45 seconds between plays. Sounds simple enough, but as the clock ticks down, players have to shout out what each second is divided by three or face a 10-yard penalty
  • Players must catch the ball with the NFL logo right-side-up and facing the cameras in order for the reception to be ruled complete
  • Balls are to be spotted short for the Lions until a majority of officials on the field determine it's no longer funny, at which point the Lions automatically forfeit
  • The pylons and goalposts extend upward infinitely until they finally reach another universe where football is played sideways
  • Following a touchdown, players may spike, spin, or roll the football, though no rolls may contain a spinning motion and no spun balls may be rolled after the spin is completed; either results in a loss of touchdown.
  • By rule, the exact definition of pass interference shall forever remain as mysterious as the definition of love and elusive as the definition of beauty
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More