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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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The NFL’s Top 10 Coaches

With the NFL season finally underway, Onion Sports provides a helpful guide to the league’s best coaches.

10. Dennis Allen: With Allen, always expect the unexpected, be it losing a game by 21 points or squeaking out a close 3-point defeat

9. Jim Schwartz: No one has done less with more

8. Gary Kubiak: Has transformed the Texans from a total laughing stock to a perennial playoff disappointment

7. Marvin Lewis: Known around the league as the best at coaching players through their testimonies

6. Chip Kelly: His spread offense is so highly touted that all the Eagles’ opponents have already conceded defeat

5. John Fox: Coached no-name journeyman quarterback Peyton Manning into a star last year

4. Jeff Fisher: One year into his tenure with the Rams, appears poised to step out of Steve Spagnuolo’s shadow

3. John Harbaugh: Coming off a memorable Super Bowl run, there’s no reason why Harbaugh can’t guide the Ravens to another 10-6 season this year

2. Joe DeCamillis: A gifted special teams coordinator who somehow stays modest despite constant comparisons to all-time greats like Frank Grump and Boils Handeman

1. Bill Belichick: Therefore rejoice, ye heavens, and ye that dwell in them. Woe to the inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! for the devil is come down unto you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time. (Rev 12:12)

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