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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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The NFL’s Top 10 Coaches

With the NFL season finally underway, Onion Sports provides a helpful guide to the league’s best coaches.

10. Dennis Allen: With Allen, always expect the unexpected, be it losing a game by 21 points or squeaking out a close 3-point defeat

9. Jim Schwartz: No one has done less with more

8. Gary Kubiak: Has transformed the Texans from a total laughing stock to a perennial playoff disappointment

7. Marvin Lewis: Known around the league as the best at coaching players through their testimonies

6. Chip Kelly: His spread offense is so highly touted that all the Eagles’ opponents have already conceded defeat

5. John Fox: Coached no-name journeyman quarterback Peyton Manning into a star last year

4. Jeff Fisher: One year into his tenure with the Rams, appears poised to step out of Steve Spagnuolo’s shadow

3. John Harbaugh: Coming off a memorable Super Bowl run, there’s no reason why Harbaugh can’t guide the Ravens to another 10-6 season this year

2. Joe DeCamillis: A gifted special teams coordinator who somehow stays modest despite constant comparisons to all-time greats like Frank Grump and Boils Handeman

1. Bill Belichick: Therefore rejoice, ye heavens, and ye that dwell in them. Woe to the inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! for the devil is come down unto you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time. (Rev 12:12)

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