adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

The NFL’s Top 10 Quarterbacks

With football training camps underway, Onion Sports is preparing fans for the upcoming 2013 NFL season by ranking players at every position. We begin with a helpful guide to the league’s best quarterbacks.

10: Mark Ryan: After a monstrous season in 2012, the Falcons quarterback is finally getting the respect that he deserves

9: Robert Griffin III: As Cam Newton and Mark Sanchez have both proven in recent years, one solid season as a rookie quarterback all but guarantees years of uninterrupted success in the NFL

8: 2005 Carson Palmer: Only the laws of nature stand in the way of 2005 Carson Palmer and Larry Fitzgerald forming one of the league’s premiere aerial combos for the Cardinals this year

7: Joe Flacco: The reigning Super Bowl MVP can finally come into his own this year without Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, Anquan Boldin, Bernard Pollard, Paul Kruger, Dannell Ellerbe, Cary Williams, and Matt Birk holding him back

6: Eli Manning: Really started showing some promise when he won his second Super Bowl

5: Drew Brees: The Saints’ franchise quarterback appears as motivated as ever to put his personal quest for passing records ahead of his team

4: Christian Ponder: With an amazingly powerful arm, great vision, stunning accuracy, and countless dominant performances during big games, the Vikings quarterback has already proven that fact-checking has really gone downhill in this country

3: Tom Brady: Unique ability to make everyone around him better, but only during football games, not as human beings

2: Aaron Rodgers: Possesses the remarkable capacity to transform even the smallest slight into an MVP season

1: Peyton Manning: He’s been standing over our shoulder for the past 15 minutes, saying only “I should be higher on this list”

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close