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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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The NFL’s Top 10 Quarterbacks

With football training camps underway, Onion Sports is preparing fans for the upcoming 2013 NFL season by ranking players at every position. We begin with a helpful guide to the league’s best quarterbacks.

10: Mark Ryan: After a monstrous season in 2012, the Falcons quarterback is finally getting the respect that he deserves

9: Robert Griffin III: As Cam Newton and Mark Sanchez have both proven in recent years, one solid season as a rookie quarterback all but guarantees years of uninterrupted success in the NFL

8: 2005 Carson Palmer: Only the laws of nature stand in the way of 2005 Carson Palmer and Larry Fitzgerald forming one of the league’s premiere aerial combos for the Cardinals this year

7: Joe Flacco: The reigning Super Bowl MVP can finally come into his own this year without Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, Anquan Boldin, Bernard Pollard, Paul Kruger, Dannell Ellerbe, Cary Williams, and Matt Birk holding him back

6: Eli Manning: Really started showing some promise when he won his second Super Bowl

5: Drew Brees: The Saints’ franchise quarterback appears as motivated as ever to put his personal quest for passing records ahead of his team

4: Christian Ponder: With an amazingly powerful arm, great vision, stunning accuracy, and countless dominant performances during big games, the Vikings quarterback has already proven that fact-checking has really gone downhill in this country

3: Tom Brady: Unique ability to make everyone around him better, but only during football games, not as human beings

2: Aaron Rodgers: Possesses the remarkable capacity to transform even the smallest slight into an MVP season

1: Peyton Manning: He’s been standing over our shoulder for the past 15 minutes, saying only “I should be higher on this list”

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