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The NFL’s Top 10 Running Backs

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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The NFL’s Top 10 Running Backs

With football training camps underway, Onion Sports is preparing fans for the upcoming 2013 NFL season by ranking players at every position. Here’s a helpful guide to the league’s best running backs.

10. DeMarco Murray: Onion Sports felt obligated to put a player from the Cowboys on this list so whiny fans in Dallas will stop complaining

9. Reggie Bush: Has all the good qualities you look for in a running back and yet, alas, how true that many perfect parts may form an imperfect, unsettling whole

8. Michael Vick: The talented Philadelphia tailback is expected to utilize some trick throwing plays in Chip Kelly’s new offense

7. Frank Gore: Coming off a season in which he racked up 259 carries for 1,212 yards, Gore seems poised to rack up 259 carries for 1,212 yards

6. Maurice Jones-Drew: Dominates the backfield with a mixture of athleticism and explosive speed that he hopes will be enough to help him break free from any contract

5. C.J. Spiller: In prime position to ride Kevin Kolb’s futility all season long

4. Trent Richardson: After an impressive rookie season for the Browns, don’t be surprised if this year he breaks out for over 1,000 completely wasted yards

3. Ray Rice: Quick feet and small stature should allow him to blow through the new vacancies in the Ravens’ offensive line

2. Arian Foster: Tough running back who proved doubters wrong that he wasn’t durable enough to handle the punishing disappointment of playing for the Texans

1. Adrian Peterson: Stiff-arm has dramatically improved since he began using the hand not carrying the ball

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