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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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The NFL’s Top 10 Wide Receivers

With football training camps underway, Onion Sports is preparing fans for the upcoming 2013 NFL season by ranking players at every position. Here’s a helpful guide to the league’s best wide receivers.

10. Dez Bryant: Say what you will about his off-the-field problems, but Dez Bryant has serious psychological issues stemming from his childhood that need to be addressed in professional counseling

9. Randall Cobb: As the Packers’ new number-one receiver, Cobb will have approximately 0.4 seconds after every snap to get open before Aaron Rodgers is sacked

8. Anquan Boldin: Still the league’s best possession receiver, but the new 49ers wideout may struggle getting used to receiving well-thrown passes directly in his stride

7. Brandon Marshall: With his impressive physicality and soft hands, expect Marshall to catch a good portion of Jay Cutler’s criticism this season

6. Wes Welker: All he has to do is connect with Peyton Manning for a touchdown against the Patriots in Foxborough so we can see Tom Brady’s reaction. That’s it. That’s all we care about.

5. A.J. Green: With his expert route-running and ability to create separation wherever he goes, expect Green to be in the perfect position to grasp helplessly for dozens of Andy Dalton’s overthrown passes

4. Julio Jones: Lived in the weight room this summer, so he’s extra motivated to earn performance bonuses to finally be able to buy or rent a house

3. Andre Johnson: Johnson is once again expected to have an outstanding season that ultimately means nothing

2. Larry Fitzgerald: Following his underwhelming 2012 season, Fitzgerald is hoping to come back in a big way thanks to the Cardinals’ addition of … Carson Palmer? Oh, man, he’s fucked

1. Calvin Johnson: With his size, speed, and tremendous athleticism, Lions fans can expect Johnson to carry their team tantalizingly close to the playoffs this year

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