adBlockCheck

Politics

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
End Of Section
  • More News

The Nixon Library's New Watergate Exhibit

A newly revamped exhibit at the Richard Nixon Presidential Library in Yorba Linda, CA details the events behind Watergate and the eventual downfall of the 37th president. Here are some of its new features:

  • Listening station that plays every one of Nixon's taped utterances of the word "cocksucker" in a single rapid-fire four-minute session
  • A detailed explanation of what reel-to-reel tape is
  • An animatronic Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein cackling as they set fire to the Constitution, White House, and American flag
  • The original draft of Nixon's resignation address in which he tells Americans they'll "be sorry"
  • List of all 62,890,119 scandals with the "-gate" suffix
  • Booth where visitors can record their own Nixon-Haldeman filler dialogue to fill in the legendary 18-and-a-half-minute gap in tape 342
  • A bunch of Reagan stuff, just to see if anyone notices
  • A replica of Democratic National Committee headquarters allowing visitors to bungle their very own break-in
  • Arcade, so visitors don't die of boredom

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close