adBlockCheck

Recent News

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
End Of Section
  • More News

The Ones We Lost

Some of the world's most beloved people have died over the past 4.5 billion years. Here are a few:

Medieval peasant Hadriel Rolfe passed away on Mar. 7, 1163, after repeated amputations failed to stop the bleeding.

Cro-Magnon Grok, 20, drowned in a river in 24,900 B.C. after a failed attempt to eat his own reflection.

Well-respected London surgeon Edmund Thompson passed away at home having successfully gone through life without anyone ever finding out he was Jack the Ripper.

Marie Curie, bless her heart, died from illnesses contracted during a cute little scientific career that was instrumental in the eventual discovery of the microwave oven.

Jesus of Nazareth, 33, was a gentle soul who enjoyed forgiveness, performing miracles, and dying for the sins of mankind. He is survived by Jesus Christ.

Fluffy Jones, 8, a good cat who deserved so much better than an old shoe box in the backyard.

Djedefre, pharaoh of Egypt's Fourth Dynasty and a great proponent of geometric architecture and reed-boating, died at 32 after a sudden onset of alligators. He left a wife, Djekshetsut, and two daughters, Djennifer and Djulie.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close