The Onion's Issue-By-Issue Candidate Guide

In This Section

Vol 48 Issue 44

Natalie Blasi

After realizing no one else was going to step up, Natalie Blasi assumed the role of the person who lets everyone in the post office line know how long they’ve all been waiting.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Late Night

The Onion's Issue-By-Issue Candidate Guide

As Election Day nears, inform your vote with The Onion’s definitive issue-by-issue guide to the presidential candidates. Check back daily for further analysis of where the candidates stand on all of the major issues facing our nation.

To help you prepare even further, you must watch The Onion Voter's Guides. Do it now. It's the law: Mitt Romney | Barack Obama

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More