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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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The Onion’s Tips For Saving Money

Many Americans are looking to cut costs to secure their financial futures. Here are The Onion’s tips for saving money:

  • A big part of living frugally is exercising self-control. Avoid frivolous spending by cutting up all of your cash so you won’t be tempted to use it.
  • Many careless consumers hemorrhage hundreds of dollars each year by tipping waitresses; don’t fall into this money-wasting trap.
  • Cut monthly food expenses by first shopping for used groceries before buying new.
  • Call the kidnapper’s bluff.
  • Building a strong savings plan takes a lot of time and effort, so you’ll want to approach the task well rested and with a clear head. Start out by taking a weeklong vacation to a luxury resort on a remote Polynesian island. Be sure to partake in all of the first-class amenities the resort has to offer: hot stone massages and tea tree oil facials, gourmet room service, daily catamaran rentals, and scuba diving lessons. Really make the most of your stay so that you can return relaxed and ready to plan your financial future.
  • Most home and car repairs can be done yourself if you’re one of the few strong, reliable classic American men left.
  • Avoid costly habits like smoking, drinking, and child-rearing.
  • Drugstores and pharmacies often have rewards programs that offer exclusive deals to members. Flash the secret hand signal to your cashier for special deals.
  • Above all, resist enjoying life.

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