SALEM, OR—Saying their respective justifications were “good to go” whenever necessary, local couple Mark Wondrich, 25, and Cara Marshall, 27, reported Friday that they each have a comprehensive list of reasons why they should break up with the other on standby.
- Destroy America’s financial, manufacturing, and healthcare sectors, limiting the amount of reasons to ever come in
- Place one traffic cone right in front of the existing border fence
- Impeach President Barack Obama
- On the Mexico side of the border, have a film projector constantly showing what daily life in Texas is like
- One 700-foot-tall border agent
- Optimize your border security by encrypting your VPN with a WPA2 security code and segmenting your networks according to ISA IEC 62443 standards
- Spikes or something?
- Nothing a little drone action can’t solve
- Give immigrants a flat-out honest explanation of the kind of racism and xenophobia they can expect if they cross over