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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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The Perils Of Fan All-Star Voting

It's looking like a troubled All-Star Game for the NBA, with fans favoring Allen Iverson and Tracy McGrady even though both players have had subpar seasons. But it's not the first time fan involvement has muddied the All-Star waters.

  • 1933: In a controversial move, baseball fans vote to have an All-Star Game
  • 1985: In the NHL's first year experimenting with All-Star fan voting, Dr. J starts at left wing for the Eastern Conference
  • 1992: The free-throw line dunk receives more than 140 million All-Star votes
  • 2000: The influence of Internet voting begins to have an impact on the MLB All-Star Game when fans choose the Backstreet Boys as the starting second baseman for the American League
  • 2002: Every NFL player shows up to Hawaii after no player, coach, or fan bothers to vote anyone into the Pro Bowl
  • 2004: Though analysts thought Kobe Bryant's sexual assault allegations might stop him from being voted into the NBA All-Star Game, the fans prove they don't really care about that stuff
  • 2006: After bringing home a huge stack of ballots for his family, Manu Ginobili still only gets three votes
  • 2007: Though many believed 76-year-old Willie Mays' appearance as a starter showed yet another flaw in the MLB's All-Star voting system, Mays goes two for three with a home run and a stolen base

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