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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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The Perils Of Fan All-Star Voting

It's looking like a troubled All-Star Game for the NBA, with fans favoring Allen Iverson and Tracy McGrady even though both players have had subpar seasons. But it's not the first time fan involvement has muddied the All-Star waters.

  • 1933: In a controversial move, baseball fans vote to have an All-Star Game
  • 1985: In the NHL's first year experimenting with All-Star fan voting, Dr. J starts at left wing for the Eastern Conference
  • 1992: The free-throw line dunk receives more than 140 million All-Star votes
  • 2000: The influence of Internet voting begins to have an impact on the MLB All-Star Game when fans choose the Backstreet Boys as the starting second baseman for the American League
  • 2002: Every NFL player shows up to Hawaii after no player, coach, or fan bothers to vote anyone into the Pro Bowl
  • 2004: Though analysts thought Kobe Bryant's sexual assault allegations might stop him from being voted into the NBA All-Star Game, the fans prove they don't really care about that stuff
  • 2006: After bringing home a huge stack of ballots for his family, Manu Ginobili still only gets three votes
  • 2007: Though many believed 76-year-old Willie Mays' appearance as a starter showed yet another flaw in the MLB's All-Star voting system, Mays goes two for three with a home run and a stolen base

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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