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The Pill Turns 50

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

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The Pill Turns 50

This month marks the 50th anniversary of the U.S. government's approval of the birth control pill. Here are some of the ways the pill has helped change women's lives:

  • Proved much safer than earlier birth control methods, most notably the cordite-ignited vaginal gun
  • Successfully helped to replace the term "spinster" with the term "career-oriented"
  • Women are now able to learn math
  • A woman can now freely enjoy other races in her extramarital affairs without the damn baby's skin color giving it away
  • For baby-boomer women, the pill heralds the start of all '60s montages
  • Changed your mother's life, as she likes to say, yet you exist, and she doesn't appear all that thrilled with her life choices anyhow
  • Kept Stephanie Lyall of Lawrence, KS from realizing just how awful a mother she would have been
  • Skin really cleared up; plus, no kids

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