adBlockCheck

The Pill Turns 50

Top Headlines

Recent News

360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

The Pill Turns 50

This month marks the 50th anniversary of the U.S. government's approval of the birth control pill. Here are some of the ways the pill has helped change women's lives:

  • Proved much safer than earlier birth control methods, most notably the cordite-ignited vaginal gun
  • Successfully helped to replace the term "spinster" with the term "career-oriented"
  • Women are now able to learn math
  • A woman can now freely enjoy other races in her extramarital affairs without the damn baby's skin color giving it away
  • For baby-boomer women, the pill heralds the start of all '60s montages
  • Changed your mother's life, as she likes to say, yet you exist, and she doesn't appear all that thrilled with her life choices anyhow
  • Kept Stephanie Lyall of Lawrence, KS from realizing just how awful a mother she would have been
  • Skin really cleared up; plus, no kids

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close