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Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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The Pill Turns 50

This month marks the 50th anniversary of the U.S. government's approval of the birth control pill. Here are some of the ways the pill has helped change women's lives:

  • Proved much safer than earlier birth control methods, most notably the cordite-ignited vaginal gun
  • Successfully helped to replace the term "spinster" with the term "career-oriented"
  • Women are now able to learn math
  • A woman can now freely enjoy other races in her extramarital affairs without the damn baby's skin color giving it away
  • For baby-boomer women, the pill heralds the start of all '60s montages
  • Changed your mother's life, as she likes to say, yet you exist, and she doesn't appear all that thrilled with her life choices anyhow
  • Kept Stephanie Lyall of Lawrence, KS from realizing just how awful a mother she would have been
  • Skin really cleared up; plus, no kids

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