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The Pros And Cons Of Breastfeeding

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After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

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Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

The Pros And Cons Of Helicopter Parenting

The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting

Conductor Fatigue Blamed In Massive Model Train Crash

BLOOMINGTON, IN—After surveying the dozen railcars and cargo of Lincoln Logs strewn haphazardly across the grass mat, investigators concluded Friday that a massive model train derailment was the result of conductor fatigue.

The Pros And Cons Of Co-Sleeping

The act of co-sleeping, where babies and toddlers share a “family bed” with their parents, is a rising trend in the United States, though the practice is contested by those who doubt its purported benefits. Here are the pros and cons of co-sleeping with your child

The Onion’s Guide To Trick-Or-Treating

Halloween gives revelers a chance to receive candy all over the neighborhood. Here are some tips to make sure you get the most out of your experience and take home a big haul.
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The Pros And Cons Of Breastfeeding

While studies have shown numerous benefits of breastfeeding for both infants and mothers, it can be particularly difficult for working moms to find the time to do so, while other women are unable to breastfeed for a variety of reasons. Here are the pros and cons of breastfeeding your child:

PROS

  • Enhances bond between mother and hungry blob
  • Passes important painkillers on to child
  • Reminds mothers of their purpose as procreative vessels
  • Best way to cram nutrients into child during short period of life when they’re receptive to that
  • Has been shown to prevent ailments such as infections, allergies, asthma, and let’s say diabetes
  • Can net you around 80 bucks on Craigslist if you don’t mind an audience
  • Makes mothers better and more important than women who don’t breastfeed

CONS

  • Mother must sleep in refrigerator to keep milk from spoiling
  • Formula feeding forges intimate bond between you and CVS cashier
  • Tiny, insatiable piglet chomping at your nipple
  • Several more months of only drinking alcohol in moderation
  • Not breastfeeding is easiest, most efficient way of letting everyone know you’re a bad mother who doesn’t care about her children
  • No one really knows how the milk gets from the cow to inside the woman
  • Life starts to feel like it revolves around baby

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