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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

Being A Mom Was The Best Four Years Of My Life!

As I get older, I find myself reflecting on my life more often and marveling at what an amazing journey it’s been. I’ve made tons of great friends, been to magnificent places all over the world, and learned so many important things about myself along the way. But if I’m being honest, there’s one period of my life that stands out from all the rest: those four incredible years when I was a mom.
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The Pros And Cons Of Going Vegetarian

While the vast majority of Americans are meat eaters, USDA statistics show that a growing number of Americans are becoming vegetarians and vegans to adopt healthier diets, ensure food safety, and practice ethical eating habits. Here are some of the pros and cons of going vegetarian:

PROS

  • Are still allowed to smell, feel, and look at meat
  • Get to declare “I can’t eat this!” while throwing a meat dish on the floor
  • Tofu can be substituted in any non-vegetarian recipe calling for bland, flavorless chunks
  • Help replace environmentally harmful livestock industry with the environmentally harmful agriculture industry
  • Can enjoy unadulterated pleasure of slowly masticating bitter leaves and grasses
  • Fewer heart attacks than last year
  • Rewards points
  • Subtle nods of approval from every passing animal
  • Increased energy for complaining about how shitty life is now

CONS

  • Beef, pork, and chicken all contain meat, and you will not be allowed to eat them
  • Have to perfect the forced smile that accompanies choking down tempeh
  • May lose the weight, high cholesterol, and saturated fats you worked so hard for over the years
  • Get constantly pestered with questions from fascinated acquaintances
  • Will be forced to resign as vice president of your local Gravy Club
  • Could become the kind of person who asks questions about soups
  • No matter how many vegetables you scarf down, you will never get your picture mounted on the wall of a steakhouse
  • Many animals not slaughtered for consumption could go on to live long lives filled with heartbreak and disappointment
  • Can go back to eating meat at any time without any consequence whatsoever

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